You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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