Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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