also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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