I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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