dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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