Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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