So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize