I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize