Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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