She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize