are you still at the devil's house?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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