What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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