Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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