38 yer olds are good kisserssss
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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