Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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