8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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