my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
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Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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