My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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