I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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