my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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