i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
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If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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