you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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