I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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