My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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