Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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