You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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