I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
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I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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