I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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