If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize