i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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