Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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