Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Enjoy the penises
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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