We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize