My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize