girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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