I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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