just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize