I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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