$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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