Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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