I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize