so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
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I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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