Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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