i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize