I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
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atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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