TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize