So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize