My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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