Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize