eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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